I am so thankful for Jonah’s willingness to share his grief journey. I wouldn’t want to walk this road with anyone else.
– Grace

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Blog By Jonah Gibson

I’m not sure if anyone can relate, but I often have a reoccurring dream that goes like this:

I’m on road trip. Everyone I’m with is excited to reach our destination. But inevitably, we always encounter obstacles that slow us down along the way. It finally gets to a point where it seems like we’ll never make it, and then, of course, I wake up.

I’m always annoyed by these kind of dreams. I’m not even sure how many times (if ever) I’ve had such a dream that ends at my destination.

So why do these dreams persist? Why am I caught up in the feeling of being on a journey that never ends?

I look at our lives the last few years and the application is not hard to find. Ever since our first pregnancy, I’ve felt like I’m on a road towards fatherhood. But with our losses, it feels as if I’m on the road trip that never ends.

The parallels are eerie, but perhaps the interpretation is a little superficial and gloom. While reflecting on these dreams, I have chosen to focus on a more hopeful meaning.

The one thing that stands out to me about these dreams is that, when I wake up, I can never seem to remember where we were going in the first place. And perhaps therein lies the significance. These dreams are never really about the destination. I feel like I’ve allowed myself to view fatherhood as the top of a mountain that I’ll never be able to climb instead of viewing it as an honor bestowed upon me each time I take a self-sacrificial action for our children.

I write this on the first Father’s Day since we lost Miriam, and I am thankful for all the ways she has changed me and made me a better man. I’m thankful for the realization that fatherhood isn’t about reaching a precipice but about the growth you experience along the way.