To the mother who lost her baby unexpectedly and wishes more than anything that she would have had some sort of warning…her situation is the worst.

To the mother who found out about a birth defect in the very early stages of pregnancy and wishes she had the innocence of a worry-free 9 months with her baby…her situation is the worst.

To the mother who just lost a baby and discovered she is pregnant again only to be filled with doubt, worry, concern, and anxiety over the possibility of losing another one…her situation is the worst.

To the mother who prays every day for a positive test, only to be met with disappointment month after month…her situation is the worst.

There is no comparing these four situations. All of them are equally heartbreaking and all of them are somebody’s reality.

Reading through these, it might be hard to imagine what could possibly make these experiences more difficult. But there are a few things…one in particular that I would like to share. It might seem simple. It might seem insignificant. It’s just two small words but the pain they bring on top of the already grieving mother is nearly unbearable.

The two words: “At least…”

Suppose for a minute that you and I are having coffee together. We are seated outside enjoying the beautiful spring weather and catching up on life. Someone begins to approach and acts as if he knows you. You are puzzled at first but, as he gets closer, he smiles and you suspect he must have something to say. He arrives at the table as you look up to smile back. With no warning, he punches you in the face. He immediately runs away after grabbing the purse on the back of the chair you just fell out of. You are beyond confused, surprised, shocked, terrified, angry. You have no idea what to say or do but you slowly begin to stand up and take your seat again. With the shock still clear on your face, you turn to me for some sort of help or comfort. I look you in the eyes, put my hand on top of yours, and say, “Well, at least he didn’t shoot you.”

This story is a little bit on the dramatic side, I’ll admit. Of course, no one would ever react that sort of way. But, here’s the thing…if we are meeting for coffee, and I’m telling you about my babies, you can bet that I do not need to hear, “Well, at least you can get pregnant.” Or, “At least you are still young. You can always try again.”

Devastating. Not to mention, it discounts God’s plan of complete restoration.

The Bible does not speak in “at least” terms. One of my very favorite verses comes from the book of John. It says,

“In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”
John 16:33b

It does not say, “In this world you will have trouble. But at least it’s not worse.” Or, “At least it will be over soon.” Or, “At least you don’t have to die on a cross.”

The Bible says that Jesus has overcome the world. In other words, He is going to make everything right again. See, God’s original design was for a perfect world. He never intended for sin, sorrow, pain, or death to be part of it. However, Adam and Eve sinned and passed that sin nature to the rest of us. But God developed a plan to save us from our brokenness. He did just that when He sent Jesus to die for our sins.

He didn’t die so that we could face our problems with a flimsy “well, at least it’s not worse”. He died so that we could be completely restored to His originally intended plan for us.

“At least” is not God’s plan. Perfection is.

This is a lesson that Jonah and I are still learning together. In the few days and weeks after losing Miriam, we each would find ourselves playing the “at least” game only to be left with empty feelings of shallow trails of thought. Nothing that we could cling to. Nothing that would anchor us.

Instead, we have found that we should focus on the many blessings in this world that are given from God. Even in sorrow and pain, God shows up in unimaginable ways.

So here’s my advice.

Do your friends a huge favor by paying close attention to the things they mention they are thankful for and then rejoice in those things with them. Here are some clues:

• My husband and I have grown so close during this time.
• I found a support group that has really been helping me process my grief.
• My family is constantly looking out for me. They text me and check in all the time.

Also pay attention to areas where they might be struggling. Listen for clues about what you can pray about and then let them know when you are lifting them up in prayer. Here are some clues:

• My husband and I are grieving a lot differently. I’m having a really hard time expressing how I feel to him.
• It seems like nobody understands what I am going through. I am so overwhelmed.
• My family keeps telling me to stay strong. It’s hard to be around them when I feel like I can’t be myself.

On this Mother’s Day, don’t water down God’s plan of perfection and restoration with the phrase “at least”. Instead, choose to give God praise for the blessings—the glimpses of Heaven—He has provided and ask for His comfort and mercies as you and your loved ones face the brokenness and pain of this world.

To all the parents grieving the loss of a child…
To all the children grieving the loss of a parent…
To anyone and everyone who has experienced the pain that this fallen world brings…

Know that God has a plan to make all things new.

With so much love,
Happy Mother’s Day.

💜💜💜💜